"The San Francisco Original",
Serving the Bay Area BDSM Community & Kink, Leather & Fetish News Across the USA
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom, and has just started to dig his way out!
2. I would not allow this student to breed!
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy!
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot!
5. Your daughter sets low personal standards...and then consistently fails to achieve them!
6. This child has been working with glue way too much!
7. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell!
8. The gates are down, the lights are flashing...but the train isn't coming!
9. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week!
10. It's impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others!
Illegal? Damn right! But even the law isn't exempt from saying the wrong things! Check out some of these comments taken straight from police car videos across the country...
1. You know...stoplights don't come any redder than the one you just drove through!
2. Relax, fella---the handcuffs feel tight because they're new...give 'em time, they'll stretch a little!
3. If you take your hands of the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document, asshole!
4. If you run from me, you'll only go to jail tired!
5. Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you!
6. You REALLY don't know how fast you were going?? Well, I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?
7. Yes, Sir---you can talk to the Shift Supervisor, but I really don't think it'll help much. Why? Oh!---did I forget to tell you that I'M the Shift Supervisor??
8. The answer to this last question will determine if you're drunk or not...ready? Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?
9. FAIR?? You want me to be FAIR??? Listen---fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey shit!
10. Yep, we DO have a quota, smart ass: two more tickets and my wife gets the toaster oven!
11. So tell me: just how big were those two beers you had, lady?
12. Nah! We don't have quotas anymore...we used to, but now we're allowed to write all the tickets we want!
13. AND THE WINNER IS.....
..."so you didn't think we gave pretty women tickets, did you? Well, we don't---SIGN HERE!"
"Just When You Thought You Heard It All..."
By Master Erik, Publisher
LONDON, UK
A British cardiologist is reporting that, of the rare cases where men have died of a heart attack during sex, infidelity is a major contributing factor.
NASHVILLE, TN (CNN)
Condom manufacturer LifeStyles is courting Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana star and one-time Vanity Fair pinup, to be its new spokesgirl. Cyrus seems an unlikely candidate. At 15 she is younger than the age of consent in most states and once infamously (and unoriginally) proclaimed her intention to stay a virgin until marriage. Fearing for the already doomed reputation of the Hannah Montana brand's flagship starlet, the Cyrus camp has already denied that any deal with LifeStyles is in the works, and it's pretty much certain that they wouldn't accept it anyway.
HAMBURG, GERMANY
Hamburg policewomen have campaigned successfully for a bullet-resistant bra, as vests caused problems with their undergarments.
TOKYO, JAPAN
Within the last few years, the population of Japan appears to be dwindling. With an estimated 127 million residents in 2005, some scientists have estimated that the population of Japan may be as low as 105 million by the middle of the 20th century.
So what is causing this rapid decline in the Japanese population? Some research has been released that blames sex toys and excessive masturbation for turning men off from sex.
AUSTIN, TEXAS (AP)
A federal appeals court turned down Attorney General Greg Abbott's attempt to reinstate a ban on the sale and marketing of sex toys, upholding its previous ruling that the prohibition violated Texans' right to privacy.
BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA
With the help of three pink, knobby, vibrating chairs, Sex Machines Australia will be totting up the number of (fully-clothed) women who orgasm on their electronic scoreboard, or "orgasm counter".
The score to beat is 172, which was achieved over four days at the Brisbane event and has set in motion a contest dubbed the "new State of Origin".
The machine attracts women from 18 through to 70, according to Sex Machines Australia....And the success rate is high. One Brisbane girl got up to about 10!
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